I decided to share my thoughts here partly as a step to overcome the crippling writer's block that's been weighing on me for the the past few months, and partly to contribute my little unintelligible ramblings to the conversation surrounding tonight's events in New York.
Firstly, I have never and maybe will never understand why any human being must petition for "rights" that others have been practicing for centuries. Such has been the history among us for many years, though, and I don't wish to think about it any more than I have to. The step taken tonight is rightly celebrated, and anyone who stands against it stands against the happiness and well-being of millions of people, period. Homosexuality is not a problem in need of fixing, an injustice in need of righting, or some enemy territory to be reclaimed-- just like dark skin and female chromosomes were also none of those things. When we "fight" against someone else's lifestyle, passions, and happiness, we are spilling our own blood, and though such violence has sometimes proved necessary, it is an action which should be taken with utmost care and consideration.
My intention here, however, is not to be a part of some political rally. I know little about politics, and I don't care to make a fool of myself by arguing something beyond my knowledge.
Instead, I want to explore the attitudes and beliefs about homosexuality itself.
I was told years ago by an admired and trusted friend that people are not born gay, because "God would not create someone in sin." And until quite recently, I repeated and used those words to justify my own ideas about what being gay meant. I see clearly now that if the aforementioned argument were to be held true, it would imply that people aren't born in sin, and that we all begin the first days of life here perfect, pure, untouched by imperfection. To that, I raise a question: What of those who suffer from mental illnesses such as schizophrenia or depression? People certainly do not choose such fates, and (correct me if I'm wrong) are victims of genetic irregularities, which can be affected by but is not singularly the result of traumatizing experiences. Some people are born with brains that will not function "normally" without the help of medication. They are born irregular. Abnormal. Wrong.
Now I come to the central question, the issue that's been bothering me. Why, if God indeed creates us all, does he make some of us wrong? Why does he make some of us abnormal? Why does he give us problems from the very beginning, problems beyond our control, problems which are not external or environmental, but are ingrained into our very minds?... When I present this question to her, someone dear to my heart always answers, "We are all given burdens, and for some people, that's theirs." Her confidence in this always soothes my anger for a while. But the question still burns in me.
My conclusions remain unalterable: homosexuality is not some problem to be fixed or some damned sin to be rebuked. I do not expect to "change" anyone who is gay, just as a schizophrenic does not "change" with medication the fact that his brain naturally causes him to see a deluded view of the world. It is an integral part of character, of being, to be adapted to, cared for, and loved-- loved because it is a part of someone, not some black spot on the soul to be scrubbed away.
